Everyone has regrets. Regrets can be trivial or they can be life-altering. Sometimes we regret eating all the chocolate cake, or sometimes, we regret not eating all the chocolate cake. Sometimes we regret getting a pet and sometimes we regret waiting so long to get that adorable puppy.
I still regret not going to the Netherlands with some friends in 2018. Now the country isn’t open for travel and I don’t know when I’ll get another chance to visit. But this is a regret that I can live with; in fact, it gives me something to look forward to. Unfortunately, I have regrets that don’t present a positive side and they have made living complicated and painful.
If you had asked me even last month what my biggest regret in life was, I would have, without hesitation, told you that it was leaving my family when I was seventeen. I was tired of living overseas as a missionary kid and I was homesick for the U.S., so I came home to live with extended family members. It just did not work out as planned.
Because of my bitterness toward living in Papua New Guinea and my decision to act upon it, I had created a mess in the family and I believed that I had ruined any chance for living a purpose-filled life. I knew then that I was a second-class Christian and all I was good for was warming a church pew and giving my tithe.
I was scared to go to college or find a better job in case I made another bad decision. I was scared to make friends because I had ruined so many relationships already. I was scared to try anything because I figured God was so angry with me and wanted me to be miserable.
Other missionary kids had thrived or, at least, survived the mission field, but I had failed. I couldn’t relate to them. I certainly couldn’t relate to other American kids; my life was too different. And so, life got really lonely and meaningless.
But then, to my surprise, God came to me. Just like in the story of the running father and the prodigal son, God “had compassion and raced”¹ to reconcile with me. I thought it only worked that way for people who had turned their backs on him, not on those who wanted to serve him but failed miserably at it.
He reminded me of who I am in Christ (Eph. 2:10) and how much he cares about my hurts and my fears (Ps. 139). It took a long time and it was a painful process, but I don’t regret going through it. Honestly, I’m still going through it.
Now if you ask me what my biggest regret is, I will tell you that it is that I didn’t know who God is and how he views me for far too long. Fortunately, with all types of regrets, even mine, “God can heal you of your past and transform it into your purpose!”²
My perspective now (thank God) is that if God wants to limit the way he uses me, I will let him decide. I will not let my failures and feelings dictate how God views me. I will take him at his word that I am “…his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works…”³ and I can rest assured that “he who began a good work …will bring it to completion…”⁴
“How completely satisfying to turn from our limitations to a God who has none”
¹ Bailey, Kenneth E. The Cross & the Prodigal: Luke 15 through the Eyes of Middle Eastern Peasants. InterVarsity Press, 2005, pp.67.
² “7 Simple Steps to Discover God’s PERFECT Will For Your Life.” YouTube, uploaded by Allen Parr, 13 Apr. 2021, www.youtube.com/watch?t=2379&v=MCPDc6j9eeU&feature=youtu.be.
³ “Ephesians 2 :: English Standard Version (ESV).” Blue Letter Bible, www.blueletterbible.org/esv/eph/2/1/s_1099001. Accessed 3 May 2021.
⁴ “Philippians 1 :: English Standard Version (ESV).” Blue Letter Bible, www.blueletterbible.org/esv/phl/1/6/s_1104006. Accessed 3 May 2021.
